The Brown Family Blog: January 2012

I will never forget the day I flew back home to Missouri after visiting Marshall in Tucson. We were still trying the long distance thing and I think he was starting to have some doubts so we discussed seeing other people. I was an emotional mess and to top it off I was coming back home to the house that Katie and I shared but was about to become just my house, because she was getting married and leaving me.

I will never forget pulling in the drive and seeing my mom's car there. Sorry about this mom---but I was not happy about it because I just wanted to crawl in bed and make the day go away, not sit and talk about my trip.

I remember so clearly walking in the house and blurting out, "I am not in the mood to talk, I just want to go to bed". Katie looked up from the couch and pulled back the blanket and said, "I bet this would make your day better". There, under the blanket, was the smallest sweetest little puppy I had ever laid eyes on. My heart melted immediately. She of course informed me that she had already given it a name but I was welcome to change it---too late... Winifred it was and Winifred it would stay.

From that day until today I was blessed with the best dog that has ever lived. She was patient, loving, and just the sweetest little dog. She spent countless hours on my lap as I graded papers. She spent countless hours on my lap as my babies grew in my tummy. She spent countless hours putting up with two children running and screaming around the house when all she wanted to do was nap on the couch. She nursed ALL of us through good, bad, happy, and sad times. There was just nothing that could bring a smile to your face like a Miss Winnie kiss.

Her health had been fading these past few months but the good days far out numbered the bad so we just kept hoping for the best. Sadly things went bad very quickly yesterday. She suffered a very strong seizure in the morning. I had just happened to walk back in to the house as it was happening so I was able to get her to the vet very quickly. He told us that seizures at her age were usually the result of something wrong and not a chronic condition. We did blood work and went on our way. Last night she had another seizure which lasted about 3 minutes. We decided to sit the kids down and talk to them about the fact that we might have to put Winnie to sleep and what exactly that meant. The thing about that talk that stands out the most to me is that when I mentioned that Winnie would go to "Doggie" heaven Emma started to cry. I asked her why and she replied that she didn't want her there, she wanted her in people heaven so we could see her again some day.

Marshall called the vet this morning and got her lab results. Sadly, it came back that she was in liver failure. The medicine that they could give her for the seizures is very hard on the liver so we were stuck with a pretty hard decision. After talking, discussing, and crying we came to the conclusion that we needed to put her down. Winnie confirmed that we made the right choice by having the strongest of the three seizures right before we were to leave.

I am not going to go in to detail, but seeing your dog convulse for that amount of time is just something that I NEVER want to witness again.

Putting her down was the toughest thing I have ever done. Marshall and I went to the Vet's office together and we held her and each other through this awful experience. I held her tight as they administered a drug to put her to sleep. She crawled up and nuzzled in my neck just like she had always done as a puppy. I did not let go until long after her little heart stopped beating.

It was a hard decision to make but I know it was the right one. She was suffering and I could not allow that to happen for a second longer.

I will miss her more than I can even begin to explain to to you in words. Emma put it perfectly when she said, "Mommy, I feel like my heart has a crack right in the middle of it."